“Does being attracted to younger women make me a bad person?”

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Q: What about older clients with younger SW’s? I’m 46 years old and the escort that has really caught my eye (not just the pics, but the intelligent, articulate and mature bio) describes herself as in her 20’s. So, am I a dirty perv trying desperately to grasp onto my distant youth? Should I be looking only for older escorts? I’m firmly of the belief that age is just a number, but it seems that’s only because I’m the old one!

Georgie: There’s a lot of shame around sex. It’s the way we’ve been brought up – we’re told that our desires are unacceptable, and that we’re bad people for wanting our sexual needs satisfied. For women, this often means being labelled ‘sluts’ for having too much sex (or the wrong sort, or with the wrong people). For men, sex-shaming often takes the form of ‘all men are disgusting pervs.’ Our parents, religious leaders, teachers, and the media often stereotype men as animals with uncontrollable sexual desires.

I think this is bullshit. Our sexual desires are normal and natural, and we’re all capable of doing sex responsibly, while also caring for our partners.

Society often frowns upon guys who have sex with much younger women.  This is legit – there might be a power imbalance. If you’re 40 and she’s 17, you’re probably going to be more mature and capable of manipulating her. Even if you don’t intend harm, fixating on someone’s age makes them feel like a trophy rather than a person. Many of my lady friends have stories about being targeted by older men when they were in their teens or early twenties, simply because they were vulnerable. Their experiences left them feeling traumatised and used. That’s not okay.

I’ve met guys in the past who specifically seek out younger escorts because they assume it will be easier to pressure them into unwanted activities. These blokes usually get reality-checked really fucking fast, because the truth is most escorts are experts at setting boundaries. It doesn’t matter how old we are, we’re professionals and we know what we will and won’t do.

But that’s not what’s going on here. You’re seeing an escort – an adult who has freely chosen to take up sex work as a career. And although your worker is in her 20s, you’ve chosen her for her intelligence and personality, not just because she looks young. As long as you’re treating her respectfully and seeing her as a person (rather than just obsessing over how young she is) I honestly don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.

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