I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and we feel that unless we’re amazing at sex, and we have all these amazing moves, we’re just not good enough. Personally, I find that the stuff that makes someone a better lover has less to do with the actual moves or techniques they use, and more to do with their communication skills.
Today’s question is “How can I be a better lover for my escort?” It comes from someone on my email list – because I always make a point of asking everyone who joins up to let me know what they need to know.
I think this is a really nice question. It’s great that there are clients out there who are interested in making sure their escort has fun in the bedroom. And it’s a good attitude, because I find that the people who care about their partners tend to have the best sex.
But before I give you my thoughts on how to be a great lover, I just want to mention a couple of other issues too. It might be that the gentleman who asked me this question just wants to know how to please his escort. That’s great. But it’s also possible that there’s some insecurity there – that they’re worried they aren’t good enough at sex. Before we talk about this, I just want to make the point that you don’t have to perfect at sex to be a good lover.
I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves, and we feel that unless we’re amazing at sex, and we have all these amazing moves, we’re just not good enough. But the fact is, nobody is perfect at sex. It’s something we’re always learning about, and because everyone is different in what they enjoy, you’re never going to be getting it 100% right. So just keep that in mind as we talk about this stuff…neither me, nor any other escort is going to expect you to be perfect.
Personally, I find that the stuff that makes someone a better lover has less to do with the actual moves or techniques they use, and more to do with their communication skills.
Some people see casual sex as just a thing you do to get off, and don’t put too much thought into it. These sorts of escort clients might just do sex the same way every time, not paying much attention to whether their partner is enjoying things, just trying to cum, basically. In my experience, this sort of sex isn’t that great – it tends to be rushed, nobody is really slowing down and enjoying themselves, and it’s easy to do something your partner doesn’t like because you’re not paying attention.
Obviously, none of you are like that, or you wouldn’t be watching this video. If you care about being a good lover, you’re not going to be doing that.
So maybe you’re the second type of person, the type who really wants to have good sex and please their partner, but you’re just not sure how. And in Aussie society it’s not considered okay to talk about the sex you’re having, so you might just be guessing what to do, and hoping it’s the right stuff, but not knowing for sure. Again, this is a common way of doing things, but it just doesn’t work. The only way we really can really know what our partners want is to ask.
I always recommend asking beforehand – saying “hey, can I spank you on the butt?” or “tell me how you like to be touched.” If you ask right, it be a hot way to dirty talk, and it lets your partner guide you, so you don’t have to guess. If you’re new to dirty talk, you might find it a bit awkward. But once you practice for a while it becomes pretty natural, I promise…
Then you can check in during sex to make sure things are going well. Say “How does that feel?” and hen adjust any of your sex moves as needed. Sometimes you might get an unenthusiastic reply, or someone might not be having fun. If this happens it’s your job to stop, make sure they’re okay, and talk about what needs to be different. This might sound a little confronting, but this is what being a good lover is all about.
After you’ve finished having sex, and you’re lying in bed together or whatever, you can ask “How was that for you?” Debriefing afterwards is useful because it allows your partner to give you feedback about what worked and what didn’t, so you can do better next time. It’s also a nice way for you to compliment each other on the stuff that was great, and to enjoy the moment together for a little while longer.
All this talking might seem like a bit of a chore, but in fact it often feels like the opposite. When you share your feelings during sex and ask your lover for what they want, it brings you closer together. This is what’s called connection – the feeling of being in tune with you partner.
Having a great connection with the person you’re fucking is they way to have incredible sex. So if you can master the art of asking, you’re well on your way to being a better lover.