Here’s another question that I’ve been asked a lot by my clients and by folks I’ve chatted to online. They ask, “How do I feel less nervous before bookings?” Or “How do I stop feeling so anxious when I’m with an escort?”
So this video is all about talking about anxiety – anxiety about sex, and anxiety about seeing escorts. I suspect that this is a really common issue, and for some clients it might a really big deal.
You might be thinking that I’m the wrong person to be talking about this. I mean, what do I know about being nervous when seeing escorts? I’m an escort, not a client, right? But there are three reasons why I think I might be able to answer this question for you, and here they are.
Firstly, escorts get nervous too. When I’m meeting someone new, I totally get nervous – about whether we’re going to get along, about whether they’re safe, about whether I’m going to give them the kind of experience they want. And these might not be the specific reasons you feel nervous, but there you go. Just because I’m the escort and not the client, doesn’t mean I don’t get nervous.
Second – everyone gets nervous about sex. I’m sure I’m telling you what you already know here… sex is incredibly nerve-wracking! It’s really personal, everyone’s different in what they like, nobody tells us how to do it, and we’re not mind readers…so how the hell do you work out what to do and how to make people happy? Sex is a situation where *everyone* feels anxious at one time or another, but some people feel it worse than others, and some people are better at hiding it than others.
And lastly, here’s something you might not know about me. I struggle with social anxiety quite a lot. I often find myself cancelling social stuff at the last minute, because I’ve gotten so stressed about the idea of going to a party or whatever, that I decide it’s easier not to turn up. Sometimes I’ll lie awake in bed at night going over and over the last time I talked to someone, because I’m so nervous I might have said something wrong. So, if social anxiety is your thing, I get that.
As an escort client, there are a few ways that anxiety can get in the way. Obviously, if you’re a guy, the first one is that if you’re nervous you might have trouble getting it up – this is super common, almost to the point where most guys who see an escort for the first time have trouble keeping an erection. This is understandable – bodies are sensitive to emotional stuff, so if you’re feeling really stressed, it’s easy for that to happen. It’s not necessarily a big deal, but it does happen.
The second way anxiety gets in the way is that it might cause you to freak out and cancel at the last minute. This happens a LOT, and it’s a bad move. If you cancel at the last minute, especially if you use some lame or dishonest excuse, then you’re stuffing your escort around. We’re professionals, and if you cancel, we’re left with an appointment time that maybe someone else could have used. When you cancel, we lose money. This is the case even if you pay a cancellation fee – which you should do, if you back out at the last minute! If we feel like you’ve stuffed us around, we’re very unlikely to let you book again in the future. So if you cancel right before the booking, you could end up in a situation where you lose out – that escort won’t see you any more.
And the last problem with anxiety is more insidious, and it’s a problem whether you experience a little bit of anxiety or a lot. When you spend time with an escort, one of the biggest factors in whether you have a good time is connection. Connection sort of means how tuned in you are to your partner, and how much you can relax and concentrate on what’s going on. Feeling anxious gets in the way of connection and gets in the way of being in the moment – you’re too much all in your own head to really concentrate on what’s happening. And, like someone who’s daydreaming instead of paying attention, you’re going to miss stuff. In an escort date, you’re paying s lot of money for that time, you don’t want to miss a second of it, right? So you want to be relaxed and concentrating on what you’re doing.
So what do we do about anxiety? What should YOU do, when you’re meeting a new escort or when you’re getting sexy with someone, and you feel that stuff coming on? Here are my thoughts, but just remember that I’m not the expert in you, you’re the expert in yourself. This is just my opinion.
For me, half the problem with anxiety is that I try to pretend it’s not happening. So when you try to shove it down and act like everything’s normal, it comes out in all sorts of weird ways we’re not expecting. It sounds weird, but sometimes the best way to deal with anxiety is to admit you’re anxious and give yourself permission – “Hey, it’s ok you’re nervous! Everyone gets nervous!”
Next strategy – and this is a good one for before your escort booking, when you’re alone. I recommend that you just sit with that feeling for a while. Anxiety is a shit feeling, but it gets worse when we try and push it away. Sometimes when we try to run away from anxiety, we start to panic. I’d recommend you take a deep breath and imagine breathing all that fear out. Pay attention to how your body feels: if you’re shaky, or you feel hot, or sweaty or whatever. If it’s too scary to do this sitting still, try walking it off a little. But the same rules apply – feel your feelings. The sooner you let yourself feel it, the sooner the feeling is going to pass.
When you meet your escort and start interacting with them, that can bring up all sorts of anxieties too. If you’re prone to anxiety it’s easy to feel socially awkward and worry that your anxiety might make you do or say the wrong things. My recommendation is, just admit it. Believe me, we’ll have seen it before. Just be honest – tell us you’re worried about being socially awkward, tell us you’re super nervous. This allows your escort to reassure you.
When you’re in an escort booking, the session is supposed to be about you and what you need. It’s a time when you’re allowed to be yourself and ask for what you want – this is why you’re paying, right? So being anxious or awkward is okay. And if you’re honest about how you feel, we can help you relax.
So those are my tips for dealing with anxiety.
But just a note, before we finish ..it might be that your anxiety is so bad you can’t actually function at all. And it might be that no matter what you try, every escort encounter you have is really awful because the feelings you have to deal with are so overpowering. If this is happening to you, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. But it does mean that you might need to get some help with it outside of seeing escorts. I always recommend a good counsellor, preferably someone who has experience with anxiety-type stuff and won’t judge you for what you get up to in the bedroom.
At the end of the day, our heads are like our cars – each one runs a little differently, and there’s no shame in getting a tune-up from a professional if need be.
You will most likely find that your anxiety does get better as you become more experienced at seeing escorts. And as you do learn to relax, you’re going to form better and better connections with the escorts you spend time with, and you’ll have better and better experiences as a result. Working on improving your anxiety is worthwhile.