How much communication is appropriate between an escort and their regular clients?
This is a tricky question to answer. It’s important though because sex work can be confusing for clients. It’s a business transaction, but it’s set within a context of sex and affection and connection (which can be very genuine). It’s hard for clients to separate the personal from the commercial: we’re not accustomed to treating our commercial service providers as lovers, nor are we accustomed to treating our lovers as people who also need to make a living. So it’s difficult to know what is appropriate- how much emotional engagement is okay outside a booking time.
It’s much easier for new clients: the golden rule is generally, if a booking hasn’t been made soon after contact, the client isn’t serious. The specific day, time, duration and location of our meeting should be worked out fairly quickly. If I don’t have this information within three to four exchanges, I can tell someone isn’t quite ready to commit to a booking.
However, for regular lovers and people I have seen more than once, things become more complicated. Our relationship is commercial, but there is a genuine affection and regard. As such, I’m willing to give more of my unpaid time that for someone I haven’t met and that hasn’t already invested in me. Just how much of my time I’m prepared to give, depends on a number of factors…
The first consideration is need. People are all different in their communication needs. Over the years I have been contacted by many different types of girls and guys – using anything from long, detailed emails to cryptic text messages. Some people give only basic details about themselves until we have met several times, whereas others are perfectly comfortable sharing the intimate details of their sex lives up front. Some people struggle to make themselves understood due to physical or mental disability. Some are short in their messages, but talkative when I speak to them on the phone. I need to adapt my expectations, depending on whom I’m speaking with.
On the other hand, consideration of my boundaries is really important. A client-escort relationship is a special one. It involves a degree of trust and connection, but it’s still a professional relationship. It’s easy for the lines to become blurry, especially when the sexual feelings are intense. Sometimes clients forget that I’m a professional who must also attend to many other lovers. If I spend hours replying to non-booking-related emails, then I’m losing out on time I need to work on my business. Part of my service is that I don’t behave like a wife or a girlfriend – I can be available when it’s convenient, but not intrude at other times. This goes both ways, and I expect (and for the most part, receive) the same courtesy from my play partners.
It’s a bit of a ‘grey area’, because I really DO love hearing from my clients. I always send a thank-you email after a session if I’ve had fun, and I appreciate any feedback I get. Every now and then a client will get in touch with me after a break, or let me know of an important event that’s going on for them. I enjoy knowing they still think of me, and I like to stay up-to-date on their lives. I had a number of people contact me a couple of weeks ago, when a sex worker was involved in a terrorism-related incident in Melbourne (it wasn’t me, guys, but thanks so much for making sure I was okay!)
I will also sometimes email my past clients to say hi, or send out news of tours. Sometimes this communication is welcomed, and sometimes it isn’t. Not all of my clients have time to reply to my ‘how are you?’ emails: they lead busy lives. For this reason, I try to limit my contact to once a month or so, and I’m always respectful of any feedback I receive. If a client doesn’t have time to reply, I’m not offended. I know they are perfectly capable of getting in touch when the time is right for them.
It’s important for everyone involved to have a say in what level of interaction is comfortable. Long-established clients may have a routine and know what’s acceptable due to years of communication. With newer clients, it’s harder to guess what’s appropriate, and I’d recommend being circumspect until you’ve worked out how much of my time is available. A polite request for less communication, or a long delay in replying, may be an indication that I don’t currently have time to discuss non-booking-related messages. It’s not personal, and my space should be respected. (Although, if it’s a booking enquiry and you don’t hear back, be sure to try again as sometimes an email might accidentally end up in my ‘spam’ folder!)
Is there a hard-and-fast rule? I don’t think so. We’re bound to mess it up occasionally, just the same as we do in any other personal or business relationship. My advice is to err on the side of less rather than more, listen to feedback and understand that I am a person with my own life and right to privacy just the same as you.
And enjoy having a trustworthy, low-maintenance woman in your life who will always be happy to see you, no matter how long it has been since you last spoke!