I’m an escort client coach – here are 5 common questions guys ask about sex work.

As an escort client coach, I teach guys how to have incredible dates with the pros. Here are the 5 questions I'm most often asked.
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As an escort client coach, I teach guys how to have incredible experiences with sex workers.

What’s an escort client coach, you may ask? Basically, it’s someone (me) who chats with people who see sex workers, to help make their experiences better.

There’s a lot of variety – sometimes I advise clients on how to book an escort for the first time, and build their confidence so that they feel less nervous on their first date. Sometimes I teach guys how to ask for what they want, and ensure their partners feel comfortable. Sometimes I help experienced clients manage their feelings around having a long-term professional relationship with a sex worker. No matter the issue, there are always options for doing better, feeling more confident and creating better experiences.

During my time working with escort clients, I’ve noticed that some questions come up more than others. Here are five most common questions new coaching clients ask.

1.”Am I a bad person for seeing sex workers?”

Society tells us that there’s only one type of guy who sees a sex worker – some sort of creepy, desperate dude who can’t get laid any other way. This stereotype is dead wrong. In fact, people see sex workers for lots of different reasons, many of which are understandable: stress relief, getting over a break-up, learning new skills, or just getting laid without having to wrangle a date on Tinder. And it’s not just guys – people of all genders (and couples too) see workers to get their needs met. If you think seeing escorts makes you bad person, you’re in good company. And perhaps it’s time to let go of your worries, before they interfere with you enjoyment!

2.”Will seeing an escort feel weird and awkward?”‘

Sex is can be scary. Sex can be awkward too; we’re afraid of being unsafe, looking silly, or being judged. And just because you’re paying doesn’t necessarily mean that all those fears magically vanish. Seeing an escort can be nerve-wracking, especially for first-timers.

The thing to remember is that we are intimacy professionals; it’s our job to make you feel safe and appreciated. You’re much more likely to feel cared for and accepted by a sex worker, than by some random you’ve picked up on Tinder.

Like all businesses, it’s your job to do you research first to make sure your escort is professional and treats you well. I always recommend a chat on the phone or a coffee date first, if possible. It really helps with the nerves too, which means less likelihood of awkwardness.

3.”How do I ask for what I want without sounding creepy?”

Lots of folks – especially guys – have been told that it’s creepy to directly ask for sex. So instead of going for what they want, they just hang around hoping that things will turn out.

In real life, there’s definitely a right way and a wrong way to go about getting laid – and walking up to random people and asking for sexy time isn’t a great idea! But this is where escorts differ – we’re professionals, and the nice thing about booking time to see a professional is you have the chance to state plainly what you want. In fact, being honest is helpful for us – the more direct you are about your needs, the easier it is for us to give you the right experience. I recommend being honest right from the get-go. Specify what you’re looking for in the very first message you send.

And as for ‘creepy’? Creepiness only happens when people get pushy. So, for example, while it’s totally fine to ask an escort if they do butt stuff, it’s not okay to try and pressure them into doing it, if it’s not a service they offer. Ditto for uncovered oral, spanking, deep throat or any other sexual activity. If there’s something you want and you’re trying to push for it (whether you explicitly ask or not) without considering our preferences, then yes. You’re going to come across as creepy.

The way to avoid this is to state your preferences up-front, then ask “how do you feel about that?” anything less than an enthusiastic ‘yes’ is a no, and if it’s something you’re super keen on, you may need to find another provider who does offer what you’re looking for.

4.”I feel really depressed the day after a booking, what do I do?”

I’ve talked with many escort clients who feel depressed the day after a session. Sometimes it’s a sad and lonely feeling, sometimes more just feeling tired or irritable. Often, when we feel down after sex, we blame ourselves. We take it as a sign that we’ve done something wrong. But there’s a simpler explanation, and it’s all about your brain chemistry…

When we have an intense, enjoyable experience (like sex, for example), our brains release a whole lot of happy chemicals such as dopamine and oxytocin into our bodies. This is the stuff that makes sex feel so enjoyable! Unfortunately, we only have a limited supply. Often, the day after an emotional experience, our brain runs low on the good chemistry and we end up feeling sad or grumpy. This is a phenomenon known as ‘drop.’

Drop is temporary– it only lasts a day or so, as our brains get back to normal. If you’re feeling terrible, it’s useful to remind yourself that it’s just a chemical imbalance, and that it won’t last.

5. “How do I know if my sex worker is enjoying it too?”

How do you know if your escort is genuinely having a good time? It’s their job to make you feel sexy…so how much of that is real, and how much is performance?

My answer is, does ‘genuine’ really matter? When we go get a massage, we don’t lie there wondering if the massage therapist likes us enough to do it for free – that’s just silly. If you get along with your professional, and you’re getting a good, friendly vibe from them, you can be reasonably certain that they like you and are happy to be there. Escorts are selective about our clients too. If we’re choosing to see you, you need to trust that we’ve chosen you, and let us do our jobs. Allowing us to be friendly and professional will give you a much more genuine connection.

If at any point you don’t get a happy vibe – if your escort looks upset or doesn’t want to engage with you – then it’s important to stop and check in to make sure nothing’s wrong. But if things seem fine, don’t ruin the mood by obsessing over whether it’s genuine. Nothing kills the fun faster than a client asking, “Do you really like me, or are you just pretending?”

Need to talk with someone who knows the industry? Click here to learn about my coaching services.

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New to escorts? Here's what you need to know.

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New to escorts? Here's what you need to know.

Download my FREE eBook 'Getting Started with Escorts'

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