“Is my escort being genuine, or are they faking it?”

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Lots of escort clients worry that their escort is ‘just pretending to like them.’ Here’s a blog explaining how being genuine works, and why worrying about it could be ruining your date.

If you spend time with an escort, are they being genuine, or are they only pretending?

I know a lot of you are worried about this one. Society’s negative stereotype about sex work tells us that nobody really wants to do this job, and that we all hate it but we’re pretending to like you, so we can take your money; God, that sounds awful! And it’s super weird, too. I mean, when you pay someone to come mow your lawn, do you stand there watching them and think “I bet they’re only mowing my lawn because I’m paying them, and they’re just pretending to enjoy it!” I mean, why would someone choose to mow lawns for a living if they hated it? And why would they hate you, just because you’re paying them?

Sex gets really confusing in this way. We know that it’s okay to pay to spend time with escorts, but then we also worry that they might be ‘pretending’. And the idea that someone might not be genuine is hurtful because we want to be liked and appreciated for who we are.

So I guess I have some good news and some bad news for you. The good news is that it’s very possible to have genuine interactions with escorts. The bad news? Well, in everyday life, genuine moments come and go. You have to enjoy them when they’re there, and not stress too much when they aren’t.
Think about the sort of person you are when you’re at work. Are you being yourself? Probably. But are you being the same self as when you’re at home in your trakky daks? I’m guessing the answer is probably no. Human beings have genuine moments all the time – we share our feelings with friends, we have a laugh with people on the bus, we even have honest moments with people over our morning coffee at work. But we don’t spend the whole day being brutally honest, or telling everyone our deep-and-meaningful feelings, because you’d never get anything done! Even when you go on a regular (non-escort) date, you’re going to have moments where you feel closer to the other person, and moment when you feel more distant.

What I’m trying to say is, ‘genuine’ is not a permanent thing; it’s a state we move in and out of as we’re interacting with someone. And being with an escort is no different. You’re going to experience moments where you feel as though you understand each other, and other moments where you’re more just trying to connect. There will be times when your escort shares their feelings and desires with you, and times when you’re not quite there, but you’re both doing your best. If someone isn’t quite feeling genuine, it might just mean that you haven’t arrived at the right moment yet.

The trick with getting to the genuine stuff is that you can’t force it. You need to create the right environment, and then let it show up when everyone is feeling relaxed enough to be themselves. That means taking the time to get to know someone, caring about their wellbeing, being honest about your feelings and, above all, not worrying too much about whether it’s genuine.

There’s nothing more likely to pull me out of a genuine headspace than a client asking, “Do you really mean that, or are you just saying what I want to hear?” Or worse, “Are you really enjoying this sex, or are you just faking it?” Putting that pressure on your partner is almost guaranteed to make them shut down. It’s hard to relax and be yourself when you feel as though someone is watching your every move!

But I will also say that I have had some really touching, genuine moments with my clients. I think that those times when we really connect and can be honest with each other are one of the best things about escort dates. And they only happen when people relax and stop worrying.

So, there you go. Escort dates, just like real life, move in and out of genuine depending on the timing, the connection and how much you just let it happen. But the more you stress about whether it’s ‘real’ the less likely you are to experience real connection. My recommendation is that you chill out, and give it a chance to happen.

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