‘Should I have feelings?’ My thoughts on escorts and emotions.

Is casual sex really that casual? And should you have feelings for the escorts you spend time with? The answer is more complicated than you think.

Is casual sex really that casual? And should you have feelings for the escorts you spend time with? This question might sound like a simple…but it’s more complicated than you think.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve been working hard on finding new and effective ways to help escort clients get the most out of their bookings. I’ve chatted with guys from all over Australia, and the world. I’ve created a series of courses, written down a lot of my thoughts, all for the benefit of people who want to be the best they can be. I’ve also coached some clients through difficult escort situations – times when they felt out of their depth or didn’t know what to do next.

All this thinking and conversation has taught me a lot about the kinds of ways people trip up, when they’re learning to see escorts. And, without a doubt, managing feelings is the BIGGEST issue regular clients struggle with.

Is it genuine? Should I care about my escort? And, what happens if I start to feel too much? These questions are not only common, they’re necessary to think about, if you want to have safe and enjoyable relationships with your workers.

Much of our problems with sex come from the fact that we don’t think about emotions enough. Often, we have this idea that there are only two ways to do sex:

  1. The ‘madly in love’ option, which is reserved strictly for long-term, committed partners.
  2. The ‘just friends’ option – no feelings, no complications, just sex.

When we start doing stuff that’s out of the ‘box’ of traditional relationships, like seeing escorts, it’s typical to feel as though we shouldn’t have any feelings at all. ‘Casual sex’ is supposed to be casual … that means not giving a damn, right?

Well, I disagree. Feelings can, and do, come into our sexual interactions with partners, regardless of whether they’re someone you just met or someone you’re married to. The same applies to people you pay  – just because it’s a negotiated sexual encounter doesn’t mean emotions aren’t involved.

I think that all good escort sex involves some degree of emotion. If we don’t have feelings, connection and care for each other, how are we going to have good sex? Here are a few feelings that might come up during an escort booking:

  • Excitement
  • Nervous anticipation
  • Satisfaction at being appreciated
  • Gratitude
  • Appreciating how sexy someone is
  • Affection and caring
  • Having a massive crush
  • Intimacy and feeling connected

I can hear you saying, ‘but what about PSE, huh?’ Not every encounter is romantic – sometimes sex is fun when it’s fast and rough, or kinky, or theatrical. But in all these scenarios, the reason we’re so excited is because it’s a real person we’re connecting with. Our emotional reaction to our partners is always important.

Why ignoring your feelings is bad news…

When we try to shut off our feelings, they come up in unexpected ways.

The classic example of this is when you’ve been seeing an escort for a long time, and then suddenly realise you’ve fallen in love with them. It can come as a surprise, if you’re not aware of that attachment creeping up – and it leaves you feeling crazy about someone who can’t return the same level of affection.

On the other hand, some clients assume their encounters shouldn’t be emotional, and when feelings do come up it makes them feel uncomfortable – so they treat their escort badly, just to prove they don’t care. This isn’t fair on the escort, and it also makes for very bad sex.

Other ways mismanaging feelings can fuck up your sessions:

  • When you miss your escort so much that you message them all the time outside the booking, and they stop looking forward to seeing you because you’re taking up all their private time.
  • When you obsessively think about them all day every day, until it makes you miserable.
  • When you worry about what they think of you so much, that you become anxious and unable to perform.

Managing your emotions is crucial for long-term success.

This means giving yourself permission to have feelings and getting practised enough at digging around in your own head that the occasional unusual emotional surprise won’t alarm you. It means  letting yourself enjoy your escort bookings without allowing your feelings to affect your professional relationship with your escort.

I want you to get this stuff right, because I want you to enjoy yourself. If you shut off all emotion and pretend you don’t care, it robs you of the chance to connect with your escort and have great sex. And if you try to ignore your emotional stuff, it might just surprise you at the worst possible moment.

Get those feelings out of the closet, take them out to play, and contain them inside the your escort session, where they belong. That’s the key to a satisfying experience.

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10 thoughts on “‘Should I have feelings?’ My thoughts on escorts and emotions.”

  1. Georgie I definitely have some feelings for 2 SWs whom I have seen numerous times over a 2-3 period. and I know they really enjoy our time together which is very genuine. They both say a fair way out from our meetings that they are really excited and can’t wait to see me but I am unsure if this is genuine or not, OR do they simply say that because I book them a long way in advance and they know I am really excited to see them? Sexually we always connect well and they both genuinely wished me well when I had a minor operation this year which I appreciated. Because I look forward to our meetings so much as it’s exciting I have to be very strong not to over contact them. I am perceptive enough to know they enjoy sex with men but only date women in real life, but I don’t think of this during our sessions where they 100% concentrate on me so therefore I assume they like me and care but we will never ever go any further. If I did think they would go further, then I know the great sex and probably our catch ups would end. I note they give very little away of their personal life but I think if an escort divulges everything to a client it’s possible they are falling in love?

    1. Hi David! Thanks for your thoughts 🙂

      Sex work is always business, but that doesn’t mean that nothing we say or do is genuine. Just like any other job, it’s entirely possible to become fond of your clients, and form lovely long-term connections. It’s not the same as a romantic relationship, but it’s still a valid way of connecting with people whose company you enjoy. If your ladies say they’re looking forward to seeing you, I’d take that at face value. It’s lovely to be an appreciated client.

      As for love and relationships outside of sex work … it can be hard to remember that it’s a professional relationship when sex and emotions are involved, but I’d really encourage you to do so. Escorts are people with feelings, but we’re also doing a job – we’re not available for anything outside of your paid time. The more you respect and acknowledge this, the more your escorts will be able to enjoy your company … without worrying that you’re going to hope for (or push for) anything that falls outside their job description.

  2. Well written. This happened to me as a client with a couple of ladies. Sadly I had to end my client days in January 2018 suddenly. I never got to say goodbye in person and explain my reasons. It was handled by a hand written letter. To this day I wish I could simply catch up for a drink/ coffee to just say goodbye in person.

    With one I had fallen for her pretty much from the 2nd time. It was a shock to my system and it as you say caught me by surprise. She xalled me out on it one day and we dealt with it by taking a break, dealing with the emotions and agreeing to conditions. I abided to those and we actually became closer as friends. I was up till then her longest client of over 3 years, which was pretty good given she was in Melb and I was Syd. Sadly reconnecting back on Twitter many months later it did not result in a follow back. The friendship seems to have ended.

    The other one was a case of total love for the person and her being. Again a client of 3 yrs and countless bookings we last saw each other for our usual Christmas fling. A soul mate as you might say. Everything about her was fun but I was not silly enough to think a 50 yr old could snag such a 30yr old bombshell. Well not this guy. We have reconnected on Twitter, but nothing more. I still admire from afar.
    As a guy who does have an emotional side it is hard when you are a long term client. Maybe this is why a lot of guys do one offs only so they shelter themselves from it.
    Thanks for the insights and raising of the issue.
    Mr # x

    1. Wow, sounds like you have fantastic emotional skills!

      Finding a balance and building a good long-term escort-client relationship takes a lot of honesty and communication (same as any other relationship). This is stuff that’s hard to learn, and I do think that people who struggle with it might be better off seeing a range of escorts so that they don’t get too attached. It’s also a good strategy if your feelings do start to get unmanageable – seeing someone new can be a reminder that variety is great!

      Having said that, it’s really nice to hear that you’re in a good place with your escorts 🙂 I wish you many tears of friendship and connection xox

  3. As a client, I’ve met many absolutely amazing ladies. I believed it was mutual that we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves during the set time that we spent together. Usual courtesy pleasantries of appreciation and thanks are exchanged after. Life goes back to normal for me, as how it should be. Enjoy the time, keep the memories and continue adding memories.

    However, there was this one time, I left a booking feeling very surreal, genuine real connection and for the first time ever I let emotional attachment got the better of me. That would be fine and typically the high goes off after a while. I keep telling myself that everything happened because her time was compensated.

    This was only my 2nd visit in 2 years, I rarely repeat. But I opted to see her again mainly just because she was real good and tick most of my boxes from a sexual kinks point of view. I knew clearly what I wanted from the start. Ended up with more than what I bargained for. What didn’t help was that in the usual exchange of appreciation and thanks that followed, responses that I received were a little out of the usual norm in such context. Got me thinking if what I felt was real or was she just really good at her job and being a “good professional”?

    1. Interestingly enough, I actually had a similar experience when I saw a male escort a few months ago.

      We got along really well and the sex was great, and then halfway through I started to worry ‘is this connection real, or is he just doing a really good job?’

      What I then realised is that it doesn’t matter. Seeing an escort is all about your experience, if the experience being delivered is enjoyable, then that’s where the buck stops.

      If there isn’t a connection and it’s not feeling quite right, then it might mean you’re not well-matched with your escort. But if things are feeling great, I’d encourage you to not get too hung up on whether it’s ‘real.’ If it feels real in the moment, that’s the important thing.

      It’s a bit like the difference between getting great service from your waiter at a local restaurant because they like you, and getting great service at a five-star dining establishment because the wait staff are so good at their jobs. There’s a pleasure in both, and they both make you feel cared for. That’s all that matters.

  4. Hi Georgie:

    Good thoughts well written as always. I tend to shy away from feelings for several reasons and find seeing sex workers a helpful way to have a good time without risk of becoming too attached, or the other person becoming attached to me. That doesn’t mean we can’t relax and enjoy each other’s company, but I always do what I can to keep things professional and ensure no boundaries are crossed.

    When the booking is over, I go back to my life and my companion goes back to theirs with no expectations or promises made other than ‘see you next time.’ I understand others may feel differently after sharing a moment of physical and emotional intimacy but, if I ever find myself falling too far, I know it’s time to stop.

    1. Hi Steve 🙂 Thanks for sharing 🙂 Sounds as though you have awesome boundaries, keep up the good work! X

  5. HI Georgie
    Thanks for your articles and this one in particular.
    Until reading your blogs I had thought that my story was quite unique but now I realise that it may not be so and reading your articles & blogs have put it in perspective for me.
    Mid way through last year I connected with a young & up and coming newish Escort. When she expressed on twitter that she had never really travelled I took the opportunity to offer her an overnight trip to Sydney as I was heading there for work.
    I am a low key, normal, really easy going & lay back sort of person and probably pretty easy to connect with. She was nervous but we connected straight away as the emphasis was on the travel experience and not anything else. Sure we both expected intimacy of some sort but it was not the sole focus f us meeting.
    Well, we had a great time in Sydney and parted easily. However I definitely was a bit floored when I returned to Adelaide as I could not get her out of my head. It actually surprised me as it was so out of the blue but 10 days later after lots of reflection and contemplation I felt like I had processed things and moved on acknowledging that it was nice to have warm emotions but that is where it should stay.
    By the time August had come around I felt I had dealt with my emotions. My new friend tweeted publicly about suffering from the winter doldrums in Melbourne and so I offered to meet up with her for a short trip to warmer climes in Cairns. Again we had a lovely time over 2 days & 2 nights together and thankfully for me it took much less time to get over the emotional pangs of leaving on separate flights.
    As I was heading to Melbourne for a conference in late September we connected again for an overnighter which included catching a show, sharing intimacy, cuddling all night, wake up sex and then breakfast out on the town.
    Had I really dealt with my emotions ? Was I fooling myself ?
    I realised quickly that this was not especially healthy and in an effort to maintain boundaries I ceased communication. And since making that decision I have not initiated communication with my friend. I obviously still feel a connection but I have too much respect for her to reignite anything and I also genuinely want to protect myself from the feelings of bafflement, perplexity, bewilderment, puzzlement and confusion that were besetting me. However I acknowledge it must appear like I have dropped off the face of the earth.
    Recently my friend has reached out through twitter direct messaging to ask how I am doing. I have responded respectfully with short responses but not offering anything that could be misleading.
    So, I am not going to write anything else from here but I would really be interested in your reflections.

  6. Hi Georgie,

    I’ve been seeing a sex worker for about 2 years now. I feel like we get along well and I enjoy the sex with her, but afterwards I’m always feeling like I want something more that I can’t get out of this arrangement. I do find myself thinking about her a lot, but when I go remind myself that it’s all a fantasy and it’s part of her job – I make myself said with my insecurities that I’ve never been in a real relationship or feel I’m able to connect with another women outside of a paid transaction.

    I feel like telling her my feelings as it going over and over it in my head is doing me in but I also know this will probably cross boundaries and I feel like I’m left stuck on want to do. I do want to keep seeing her, but I wonder if repeating the same actions will just yield the same results and I’m left here where I’m started.

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New to escorts? Here's what you need to know.

Download my FREE eBook 'Getting Started with Escorts'