We’re sitting cross-legged on the bed. I’m wearing my lingerie; he’s taken off his shoes and socks, jacket and well-pressed trousers, but he’s still wearing his business shirt. The lights are dimmed, and we’ve drawn the blinds on a rainy Melbourne afternoon. Right now, it feels as though we’re in our own little world.
I say, “What would you like me to do for you right now?”
He stretches, glances at the ceiling, considers. Finally, he smiles. “I think I’d really like you to stroke my neck,” he says.
I set the timer, and we begin.
Lately, I’ve been playing a simple game with my clients. It’s called the two-minute game, and it’s totally changed how I conduct my sessions.
The Two-Minute Game is a way of getting sexy that’s been recommended by sex educators and therapists for years, in one form or another. The version I use is taught by Curious Creatures, an Australian provider of self-development workshops. Here’s what it’s about: basically, we each take turns asking for – and giving each other – exactly what we want.
Every turn is different…
“Will you kiss me for two minutes?” I ask.
“Sure,” he says. “And when it’s my turn, can you put your arms around me? I want to do sexy stuff later, but right now I just feel like a hug.”
“Yes, I’d like that too.” I say, “It doesn’t have to be about sex… unless you want it to be.”
The idea of playing a sex game might seem strange to you. Often, we think that there’s only one way to do sex – a ‘script’ of interaction that means we make out, touch each other, and have sex the same way every time. This is what I call the ‘sex escalator’ – the pressure to follow convention.
Unfortunately, the sex escalator often leads to uninspiring sex. When a hook-up is predictable, we sometimes stop paying attention, and our sexy play becomes mechanical instead of fun and spontaneous. If you’ve ever caught yourself, mid-shag, thinking about your shopping list (or the last porn movie you watched), you’ll know what I mean! When we stop focusing on what we’re doing, we often miss out on the best bits of the sexual experience.
And that’s where the Two-Minute game can help… because when we talk with each other about our needs, we’re making a conscious decision to stay involved. And because there’s no routine, there’s much less risk of switching off.
There’s another advantage: actually getting what we want. Everyone enjoys different things in the bedroom – different types of touch, different sexual positions. Most of the time we never get exactly what we need, because we’re too afraid to ask. The Two-Minute Game allows you to be honest about your desires.
“What would you like us to do for the next two minutes?” I say.
He fidgets nervously. There’s a long silence. He says, “I don’t think anyone has ever asked me that before! It makes me worried.”
“What are you worried will happen?”
“I’m scared I might ask you for something you don’t want to do.”
I stroke his shoulder, kiss him on the cheek. “You’re TOTALLY allowed to ask. If you ask for something I don’t enjoy, I’ll just say ‘pass’ and you can choose something else. There’s no judgement.”
He breathes a slow sigh of relief.
My motto is, ‘life is too short to have bad sex.’ When we stick to what we know, we often miss out on some incredible experiences. The Two-Minute Game is one way to break free of the norm and have new adventures… I can’t recommend it highly enough, to those who want to take their sex lives to the next level.
You can learn to play the ‘two-minute game’ via Curious Creatures’ Melbourne, Sydney, and Brisbane workshops. Visit their website to learn more.