“Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.”
This is a blog about sex work, but I spend a lot of time writing about things other than sex and money. How is that possible?
When we buy sex services, we’re often really seeking out a bunch of other elusive emotions: validation, diversion, acceptance, company, sympathy, attention, connection, friendship, to name only a few. The delivery of these experiences will depend on the connection between the people involved, regardless of what sort of price has been paid. So today I’m going to talk about the crucial ingredient in your worker-client relationships. It’s the one a lot of people overlook. It’s the one that can, if neglected, totally crush relationships of both the paid and non-paid variety. I’m talking about politeness.
Politeness is a wonderful social lubricant, and it’s also great foreplay. Politeness in a client literally makes me aroused – old-fashioned manners are really sexy! This applies whether it’s a gentleman who knows how to treat a lady, or a regular guy who isn’t sure but makes such a big effort that it’s impossible for them to offend. Manners don’t have to be polished, or perfect. It’s all about the effort (and the top hat…just kidding!)
I love it when clients cancel their bookings with plenty of time to spare. Recently I had an evening date planned with a gentleman in Sydney. A day before we were due to meet he came down with a cold. Even though having the flu is usually trivial for your average office worker, for a sex worker it’s a serious problem…It can mean up to a week of lost business, as we can’t work when we’re sick. When my client called, he was extremely apologetic. He said he felt really guilty for letting me down. On the contrary: I was delighted that he had chosen to be so honest! It would have been easy enough for him to take a few cold and flu tablets and turn up to the booking without me even realising he was contagious. I would have gotten sick, and it could have ruined the rest of my Sydney tour. Although I was sorry to lose the booking, I much preferred to stay well. I was incredibly grateful. Honesty in this situation is always appreciated.
I love it when clients send me ‘thank you’ messages. It’s usually my job: the day after a booking I will sit down at my desk and send out an email or text to thank them for the time we spent together. I enjoy letting my clients know that I’m still thinking of them fondly even though the date is over. Sometimes, when I get up in the morning, my date has already sent me a ‘thank you’. It catches me by surprise every time! Imagine the dedication – to be up late all night having sexy fun and then take the trouble to get out of their hotel bed and compose a message! (Or perhaps they do it whilst still in bed, I’m not entirely sure. Either way, I’m an early riser so to getting up before me in the morning takes some dedication.)
I love it when clients offer to pay a deposit. I know this is an odd one, as far as politeness is concerned. How is paying a deposit a sign of politeness? It’s not the deposit itself that’s the issue – I require deposits for most of my bookings. It’s the asking that I really appreciate. I hate talking about money, and since deposits are a relatively new requirement for me, I’m nervous about asking for them. I sometimes half-expect a potential client to say ‘Are you kidding? I don’t even know you, why would I trust you enough to send you money before we’ve even met?’ When a gentleman offers, it demonstrates trust in my professionalism and takes the weight of anxiety from my shoulders. I no longer have to worry about his reaction, because he has volunteered his trust. It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling in my stomach….and we all know that warm, happy feelings lead to really great sex.
My clients are always surprising me with inventive ways to demonstrate their manners. The industry can be quite hit-and-miss, and you do sometimes see bad behaviour from members of the public. I try not to have expectations that are too high lest I be disappointed. So when someone goes out of their way to demonstrate their kindness, it always leaves an impression on me. I’d hate for my lovers to think that their efforts have gone unnoticed. Thank you, thank you!