What happens if I see an escort and have a negative experience – get catfished, robbed, treated badly, etc? How can I let others know? And how can I make sure this doesn’t happen in the first place? You suggest researching an escort’s website and following them on Twitter but both those places are marketing controlled by the escort so you’re unlikely to find any useful disqualifying information. I understand this is largely paranoia and that sex workers are far more likely to be hurt by their clients than vice versa, but this is still something I worry about.
People have a lot of negative ideas about sex work.
When we see call girls and street-based workers in the movies, they always seem to be connected to drugs or crime. And when we read about sex workers in the paper, it’s often because they’re reporting a crime, or talking about our work in a way that makes it seem super shady. After all, drama sells, and nobody would buy the newspaper – or pay to see the movie – if escorts were shown to be happy, well-adjusted people, as most of us are in real life.
If all you’ve seen is the movies or the news, it’s easy to assume that the sex industry is full of drugs, crime, and misadventure. Plenty of clients – even after they’ve been seeing escorts for a while – still worry about getting scammed.
But, realistically, it’s unlikely. Sex work is just another type of business. And like any other service, you’re going to meet people with varying levels of experience and professionalism. It’s your job to decide whether someone is right for you before you commit your time and money. Once you do, you’ll generally find us to be just as friendly as any other service professional – providing you treat us with respect.
It sounds like you’re concerned about two things: how to avoid getting scammed, and what to do if you are. They’re different problems. So let’s tackle each one separately.
What to do if you get scammed by an escort
What happens if you feel you’ve been treated badly? In your question, you ask ‘How can I get the word out?’ – as though a bad review or going public might make you feel better or stop it from happening again in the future. But I’d generally recommend against it. Bad clients write nasty reviews and spread nasty rumours all the time, and your complaint is likely to look like just another angry, pushy client trying to get revenge because a worker said ‘no’ to them.
If you feel you’ve lost a substantial sum of money – such as providing a deposit for a session that never happens, for example – you have the same legal and governmental avenues of complaint as for any other commercial transaction, providing you’re in a location where escorting is a legal profession. If your dispute is about a deposit, don’t forget to check out your escort’s deposit policy before you take the matter further – some of us have very strict no-refund policies, even in the case of cancellations, and you need to read the fine print before you assume you’ve been scammed.
If you feel your escort doesn’t match their photos – you can definitely refuse the session. But if the escort has already turned up to your hotel room (or you’ve turned up to theirs) then they’re able to charge a cancellation fee for the time and effort they’ve already invested. After all, your opinion on our looks is just an opinion, and we’re still entitled to be paid for our time.
Unhappy with the service you received? There’s really only one option open to you: Put it down as a learning experience. You may never know what caused the booking to be disappointing – whether it was something you did or said, a lack of communication, or simply that your escort was having a bad day. Sex is unpredictable…that’s part of what makes it fun. It’s not about trying to tick every box; it’s about turning up and seeing what happens. If you can ‘go with the flow’ and accept what comes, you’re much less likely to have disappointing experience.
As you’ve probably realised by now, your options are somewhat limited when it comes to fixing a bad experience. For this reason, I recommend avoiding these situations in the first place. Luckily, it’s pretty easy to do your homework and ensure a good experience. Here are some ideas for disaster-proofing your bookings.
How to feel secure when seeing escorts
Okay, first things first! You need to know that escorts aren’t out to scam you. Like any other type of business, we want to build good relationships with our clients, so that they keep coming back. We also worry about negative attention – we’re not interested in ripping you off, misrepresenting ourselves, or doing anything that would cause us trouble, either during or after a booking. If you’re nervous about getting scammed, it could be worth taking a look about your perceptions of the sex industry in general, and whether they might need a bit of a reality check.
Here are some common client fears:
Getting ripped off. It’s conceivable that you might lose money to someone shady who SAYS they’re a sex worker but isn’t…and avoiding this takes a bit of common sense. If you meet someone on the Internet who claims to be a worker and wants you to send them cash, for example, it’s worth checking out their ads and website to ensure they’re an established professional and not just some random person who has set up a social media account. Twitter followers, reviews and testimonials can also be useful – not necessarily the content, but the amount. A worker who has plenty of reviews or followers has probably been around longer than someone with none.
Your escort doesn’t look like their pictures. Lots of clients worry that they’ll book an escort, and a different person will turn up to the one they saw online. But as I said above, it’s not likely. Your escort doesn’t want to be turned away at the door! So they’re unlikely to misrepresent themselves online, because it would only waste of their time.
However, I DO caution you to have realistic expectations. Escorts look like everyday people – we’re not centrefold models. And even centrefold models have curves, stretch marks, and wrinkles, same as you do! When you check out photos online, it’s easy to get caught up in a fantasy of what your escort will look like. But those pics are advertising images, not real life. So make sure you look at your potential playmate’s selfies as well, if they’re available, and think realistically about how they’ll look in person.
Being treated badly. This is every client’s nightmare – spending time with someone who puts you down or acts as though they don’t want to be there. Like any other type of business, sex workers have varying levels of professionalism. How well you’re treated also has a lot to do with how respectful you are and how much effort you’ve made with your appearance and personal hygiene. Finally, sometimes two people simply don’t click, and that’s nobody’s fault. But it can feel disappointing when you feel as though you’re getting a bad service, regardless of whether it’s something you’ve done or simply a bad client/provider fit.
To avoid this kind of situation, I ALWAYS recommend meeting your escort for a social date or talking with them on the phone before you commit to a longer booking. It might mean paying a bit extra – escorts deserve to be compensated for their time, even if it’s social time. But by having a chat first, you can get a feel for whether you both connect.
Not getting the services you want. If you had a specific sexual activity in mind, you may feel disappointed when you turn up on the day and your escort says ‘no.’ This does happen, but it’s usually down to poor communication or poor hygiene rather than deliberate deception.
Sometimes clients aren’t clear about what they want when booking, or simply assume a certain service is included, and are disappointed when they find out it’s not on offer. The best way to avoid this is to be super clear when arranging a booking about any services that are especially important to you. This will give your escort a chance to plan ahead, or let you know if they don’t offer that particular service.
If you’ve both agreed on a particular type of play, you might also be turned down if you’re not properly prepared. This sometimes happens with kissing, where providers may offer it but decline if you haven’t brushed your teeth well. Specialist services such as anal might be refused depending on the size of your junk. Or, if you’ve booked a strap-on session but haven’t prepared your butthole properly, your escort might say ‘no’ – nobody likes getting vegemite stains on their sheets!
At the end of the day, sex is a messy, unpredictable business. It’s fine to ask for what you want – and asking well ahead of time is a great idea. But your escort always has the right to say ‘no’ to any activity, even one they’ve agreed to beforehand. A good session means planning well, but also keeping an open mind. If things don’t go exactly the way you wanted, it’s much more fun to ‘go with the flow’ than to let your disappointment ruin an otherwise good experience.